Sweet Sweet Jane

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I think my hairdresser is in the wrong business.

I think she should do my taxes.

We hardly speak, which is why I keep going back. Because what I really, really love about my hairdresser is that she doesn’t talk to me.

My last hairdresser was a peach of a guy, very friendly and chatty. But early on in our relationship I made the mistake of admitting I keep current on politics and news. So every time I was in his chair he would pepper me with questions and then describe – verbosely – his opinions. What do I think of Biden's latest gaffe? Is Palin a wingnut or what? What about that guy, what's his name, who wrote that book, what's it called? I had to get myself psyched up, anticipate what he would want to talk about and read the latest Time magazine just to get a haircut.

The haircut was fine but the chatter almost did me in.

But then I found Jane, sweet, sweet Jane. She is great with hair. And as quiet as a church at midnight.

Early in the appointment, we exchange the niceties: How are the kids? Are your parents back in Europe? How was Halloween? Did you have a good conference day? I like your shoes. That sort of thing.

Then we are all done. I browse People and OK! magazines, I check my email and text on my iphriend. I daydream and overthink to my heart’s content, while Jane studies hairs numbers 6 and 334, matches them up and coordinates them like long-lost identical twins.

I hear the soft snips, like a distant halo around my head, old, dry ends falling away. Jane is a like a ballerina, her face intently serious, her slim limbs gracefully arching with gentle, soundless steps around my chair. Snip, snip, pirouette, snip.

Just like marriage, when you find your match, it’s best to settle in. In my current follicular situation, I settle in for 2 hours and fork over $135 dollars plus tip when we are done. This is a fair price for a good haircut and some silence, better than a therapist’s couch.

If you like quiet, too, know that you are not alone, although you might want to be. Here is a list of top ten careers for quiet people from careerbuilder.com. #10 is writers. Hairdressers do not even make the list. Nor do tax preparers.